Continued from below.

anyway, lenin was closed agin today. About an hour later I realised why. He was up and about and wandering around by St Basils cathedral, yep, that's right, he was up and about and wandering around. As I recall from historical pictures he was shorter and fatter than he used to be , and he was pimping himself to anyone who wanted to be pictured with him! I guess on the tat factometer it would be like some old girl dressing jup as Queen Victoria and poncing up an down outside Buckingham Palace offering pictures to American tourists.

going back to taxi journey, passed by some really drab looking parts of moscow (most of it). One really curious thing about moscow is the complete lack of public toilets - don't know if that is because crowds were never allowed to congregate? anyway, now there are loads of portaloos in groups of 2-12 all over the place, but these are manned by toilet babushkas who charge 15 roubles - 30p - to use a pretty clean public convinience. seems ok to me.

Saw a new concept in underground begging - young men with no legs in wheelchairs - I guess having been blown off from the war in Chechnya or something (saw about 4 in total) - one only seemed about 20 and had massive bandages which I am sure had bloodstains on. wierd, don't quite know what to make of that.

well I guess that is about it as far as the actual blog goes - served its purpose quite nicely for me! Though, gonna write a summary when I get a moment over the next few days. Might just keep this thing going for posterity though.

A note from yesterday!

Moscow 16.30 UK 13.30

I started writing this on the train although when I write up I'll try to keep it authentic. I have cut it very fine getting to the airport today and I am not convinced I am going to make it. it's nearly half four and I am on the train to Domedovo - train should get there at 4.50. Plane leaves at 6.15. It should be ok but I have no idea what it is like getting out of Russia - Fuck, a few years ago that would be an all day job. Ironically this is one of the least bureaucratic countries I have been to - everything has been very straightforward. It would also be fucking typical if it got difficult now. Also, ignored Moscow rule (2?) Murphy's law - if it can go wrong. Fuck, still if it does go wrong, there is nothing at all I can do about it now. The other problem is I am not absolutely sure I am on the right train, I think I am on the right train but it is not obvious - different type of train to the one I got Monday. There are only Russians on this train - Muscovite's - one of them today!

There is a women (not old enough to be a babushka) walking through with a shopping trolley full of mags, books cold drinks etc. I think she is official, but the shopping trolley is a Moscow improvisation! Looks like its from the river.

Fuck me I have cut this fine. Shit. Not even going to think about anything at the airport other than getting through - if it is the right airport. Got about 1500 roubles - can get more. is that enough for a bribe? Don't even know if they take bribes anymore. Don't know whether I could head for Germany or other EU place if I could not get to UK tonight? Read that it is difficult and expensive if you over stay your visa - not worried, it would just end up being an expensive fuck up, probably not get change from a grand. Just wait and see.

looks like it might be the right train. car park looks familiar and people putting coats on.

5.40

Checked in and in holding pen - still don't quite believe it, takes longer to get through Bristol when going to Edinburgh!

Potential fuck up started when I just spent the morning arseing around red square - time creep got me again (why don't I learn?) It got to half one and I realised it was going to be tight - had to get back to hotel to get bag etc etc. Started to go wrong then. that was also the point when that rather quaint Russian trait of "tell someone who gives a fuck" started to piss me off. Then I ballsed up a metro change - another 20 mins. decided to cab it to the airport.

Moscow taxis - worth going all the way there just to experience one! Love to get the same one again next time I go - he was fucking fucking (supposed to be twice) insane! Never had a car journey like it, had a grin on my face the whole time, not sure why though cos I am sure i was only inches from death! Then we hit traffic - that's when I thought it is really going wrong. And - as he got me to the station, he got nicked! He was having a row with a fat Moscow copper! (only fat copper I saw in Moscow).

And most of it is because of foot situation - not good. They are probably oozing a bit. Got back to the hotel yesterday (Tuesday) and they were agony, kept me awake a long time. Wrapped them in half a field hospital this morning and have been shuffling around like a Moscow drunk, scowling at everybody - especially the Moscow drunks. Doc Martens are brilliant. They keep you warm and dry, you could probably drive a bus over the steel toe caps and would not feel it. Mental note to wear them in if I ever get another new pair though, avoid having feet that look like plates of chopped liver that way.

(still got some more to finish)

03.11 moscow 01.11uk.

I am sadly home, in bed and in some discomfort. Wonderful place Moscow - I have some 6 or 7 pages of notes to put on blog asap from last day and journey home. it was, as it should be, quite eventful, and at times very close to the wire. I have done much swearing, mostly at myself, and vowed never, ever to go further than 50 miles from my front door ever again. that was over half an hour ago and has now thankfully been booted into the long grass. Got some good pics - a few which I think are absolute gems, of Moscow State University at sunset on the way back from sparrow hills. Not transferred them yet so dont know yet.

After i have finished blog as such I am going to put a little summary on of my thoughts about the whole thing - for my benefit of course.

God that bed in the hotel was shit! this is the first time i've been comfortable since saturday night.

until the morning then.

I think i am being observed - computer is acting odd.

moscow 21.35 uk 6.35

bit more time tonight so i hope to write a bit more. first of all the hotel - it is not too bad, have stayed in far worse courtesy of the bank. The reception feels like a real throw back to Soviet days though - all huge hall and shiny counters and floo. dining room is the same - massive with wooden style tables and lots of space between tables - designed to be slightly intimidating i guess.

the metro is really very good - takes a bit of understanding because there seem to be three types of language to understand. took me an hour and a half when i got here to work it out. asked a pretty girl and got the moscow stare - probably because ehe thought i was hitting on her. I was not - anyway, moscow stare = stare at someone as if they are not even there without batting an eyelid. look on the side of the tunnel - always right to left and the names will correspond to the map. some of the intersections are tricky but its generally ok.

they also strickly follow the stand on the right protocol - goo for them. Interestingly, there is a babushka in a box at the bottom of each escalator staring at screens which show cctv images. a bit odd i though at first but then it dawned on me - must be safety thing to see escalator is ok. nice touch but not much of a career.

lenin was closed today - shame but not really a surprise - been told that it can happen quite often. no gags about hanging around today afraid. Red square is really wierd. Firstly its not that big - say leicester square twice - secondly, kremlin on one side and GUM dept store on the other. GUM is a bastion of capitalism and must have always been to a certain extent? wierd.

Another wierd thing about red square. I can see how Breshnev and Kruschev et al got all their toys in on those big parades, but it must have been a hell of a job getting them out the other side. I would not like to drive a ICBM (inter continental ballistic misile to you and me) out of there. I can just visual the conversation that may have gone siomething like this:" got a bit of a problem comrade Kruschev, those toys we built in between building lots of tractors, you know, the ones that go bang, well we have not worked out how to get them out the other side of the square once every one has seen them and cheered"

At which point, general 3 star is replaced and sent off to the kgb building up the road. speaking of which, that is a huge almost non-descript building but looks slightly scary now. apparently ther was a massive prison built underneath where many hundreds of thousands of people were taken and disposed of.

It feels quite strange walking around with a camera taking pics all over the place - it does not seem to be that long ago (certainly no more than 25 years) when having a camera in moscow would simple be out of the question - now noone bats an eyelid - not the police or the red army.

the whole of the centre of moscow round red square is a wonderful lively cultural beacon. its a really buzzing place - quite easily just hang around and waste some time there. Be good.

went to sparrow hill this afternoon (not strawberry - must have had draycott on my mind) The moscow state university is up there - great building, another showpiece place. strawberry hill gives a view over the whole of moscow, great on a good day which it was today, and sun was setting on the way back so got sdome pics which hopefully turn out to be good.

wanted to buy a generals hat from a seller up there - got into negotiation mode but could not find one that fitted. got a leather flying hat though - negotiations went how much, 3500 roubles, i'll givew you 2000, my children and wife etc etc, no its 2000 or nothing. the lowest i can go is 2800 - i loose money then anyway. i'll buy now at 2500. we agreed the deal at 2500!! I bartered for a flying hat with a Russian junk seller on sparrow hill! Brilliant!

I somehow knew moscow would be great - lots more to write some day I hope, but I was thinking the best way of summing it up is that moscow just is, you can take it or you can leave it, but moscow just is!

run out of time, as promised to myself, not read through or edited!

till next time

10.40 Mosco 7.40 UK

Off to see Lenin right now - mental note:- if do not want to get shot, do not corpse (and that is not an intentional pun). Strawberry hill and the seven stalinist sisters later. Experienced legendary Soviet hospitality at breakfast - serving babushka obviously bollocking me for something but I have not got the faintest idea what? Never mind.

Beatiful day in Moscow today - netween minus 11 and minus 14 yesterday but did not feel that cold unless you took a deep breath and then it got you in the lungs.

15 mins is nearly up so best be off.

22.15 Moscow 19.45 uk.

I've just got 15 mins before they close - it does say 11, but the poor babushaka has been here all day and it does look an awful boring job.

I have wanted to come to Moscow for a number of years, and in the 15 hours or so that I've been her, I can say for certain I am not dissapointed. Lots of things sum it up, but one in particular. I have just got off the metro and come back in to the hotel, it is about minus 14 outside right now, and as I was coming up the steps, I heard a bot of a racket that turned out to be two old boys, both of whom appeared to be sober having a game of some derivative of backgammon - loudly! And without gloves with the board on the ground. brilliant.

Not got time to say what I want, but hope to pick up tomorrow with, amongst others, why do so many people cop off on the metro and generally in public? why is it not customary to put lighted cigarette ends in the bin? why are you not allowed to take explosives in the lift with you? and why do stray dogs have the free roam of the metro? And, why Moscow is simply better than New York by some margin!

Tomorrow hopefully.

5.50am local time. 2.50uk.

Well I can live up to the name now. At Domo thingy airport having just woken the attendant on the pc's to rent one. cant be much of a job though - a mc job i guess. Domo airport is just like any other international airport - but boy are the taxi touts fucking persistent - and they all have dodgy mostaches - one even followed me and was still trying as i was having a coffee.

Getting in was dissapointing - it was quick and easy. the only problem was the guard who did genuinely look like a shot putter. she called me forward and i had one of those irrational moments when i just had the urge to giggle - i used to have a boss like that - me and a colleague would try to catch each others eye in meetings to make tother one corpse.

i nearly corpsed when getting through border control in moscow. Brilliant.

gonna run out of credit so off for now.

untill.

Well it is the morning of travel and I think I have everything ready - boots, passport, visa, roubles (all the same size - like dollars. Although I think other curencies also do this) Plan of action when I get off the plane - arrive 4.45 local time (so by the time I get through customes and grab some pickled cucumber or whatever they eat over there and get the first express to town at 7) is to work out the Metro ASAP - that will be the key to getting everything done. Also, I want to be comfortable getting around Moscow in the dark - remember Moscow rules!

I believe they have a similar system to the tube Oyster card system. (One of my strange quirks is that I always tend to carry my Oyster with me - just in case! Like the real adopted Londoner I am, I know what your tube line says about you! While I lived there, I was, and still remain a Metliner - the snobs of the tube network, but that's for another day......)

I am going to try not to edit this as I write it while away (that is a consequence of work!) - the whole point about it is to keep it for me as a journal log.

So, I'll sign off now and try to update whenever I can - I'm not taking my own device, it will be from Internet cafes etc. Oh, and the time that Blogger logs as a posting does not correspond to any world time I can find so I will try to give rough local times.

Until.........

I have decided to invest in a pair of dr martens - other moscow blogger recommends strongly waterproof boots, and I have already expressed my view on advice given from said blogger - see above. I am currently procrastinating, so to do a bit more background stuff for upcoming visit probably makes good sense - I doubt I will have received another email or facebook message in the last minute (procrastinators of the world will know exactly what I mean!).

The Moscow metro map (I will resist the urge to call it a tube), looks remarkably logical and regardless of the architectural qualities, seems straightforward to navigate. I will, of course, have a more authoritative view of this next week.

I still plan to go to have a look at Gorky Park, but suspect that the novel/film and the Scorpions reference to it make it a bit more of a destination than it would otherwise be, but if old spacecraft and big ferris wheels are your thing, it would appear to hit the buttons. What sounds a lot more interesting is Victory Park - or Park Pobedy, something that seems to have been put together in the later days of the Soviet times - quite a lot of history there, and probably worth spending some time looking at. Naturally Red Square, GUM, Lenin, Kremlin etc are all in the plan - hopefully should manage to get most of that done in one day.

On a slightly different note, Domodedovo airport has probably one of the most user friendly and informative English web sites I have encountered for an airport - littered naturally with literal translations that you see at every non English speaking hotel and airport in the world. Why don't they have a crack at the translation, then just grab the first English person from the departures lounge they can find and ask them if it makes sense? Beats me.

Off to get some boots now.

Until.........

Just about a week to go now before I pack up and head off east. In fact, in exactly one weeks time I should be at Heathrow - an airport I have had the good fortune to avoid for a good number of years. Although, on reflection, nothing can compare to the pure evil of the sleazy jet agents at Geneva. I had a stand up shouting match with an illiterate over-promoted Swiss bint about the excess baggage charge they were proposing to levy on my air fare to return home to Bristol - as I recall, it was the same bag and clothing that I took out with me. It was a real humdinger and I nearly jabbed the counter out of existence. I lost and paid, inevitably. I always do!


I digress. At quite a young age I was fortunate to realise that a large proportion of people are very willing and forthcoming at giving you advice whether it is wanted or not. In fairness, most of it is well intentioned and some of it is sound, but generally it is just not wanted. However, I recently asked somebody (who shall remain nameless, but to whom I am grateful) for any advice I could have for my upcoming visit to Moscow.


I simply knew that the advice I was receiving was pure gold when I read, inter alia, the following gems:

• Little old ladies are to watched out for at ALL times, the rule of thumb is the more elderly they look the more vicious they are, if you get in their way they will hit you!
• The mullet is in fashion and not just for men, you will see some very funky looking hair styles, do not be alarmed most of them do not have a life of their own.
• Stray dogs- Moscow has 30,000 stray dogs, they are harmless unless you run past them or poke them, if they bite you go straight to the Embassy and get a rabies shot. It will save you from the illness but stop you drinking for 6 months.

I do not recall so far in life having the urge to poke a stray dog, but the bleeding obvious can be sound advice nevertheless!

On the subject of advice, I had not heard of the moscow rules until this week (and had not read them until today - thanks FEGG!!), but whether the CIA connection is true or not, they would seem to be pretty good advice generally for life!

These are the moscow rules I found on Wikepedia:

Assume nothing.
Murphy is right.
Never go against your gut; it is your operational antenna.
Don't look back; you are never completely alone.
Everyone is potentially under opposition control.
Go with the flow, blend in.
Vary your pattern and stay within your cover.
Any operation can be aborted. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.
Maintain a natural pace.
Lull them into a sense of complacency.
Build in opportunity, but use it sparingly.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Don't harass the opposition.
There is no limit to a human being's ability to rationalize the truth.
Technology will always let you down.
Pick the time and place for action.
Keep your options open.
Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Three times is an enemy action.

I would hazard the view that if in life you follow those, you should, for most of the time be pretty much OK!!

Just a few bits and pieces to do now before I go,

Until........

Just under two weeks to go!

I've been looking at the details of the hotel I'm booked in - reviews are variable to say the least! One consistent theme though is that there are plenty of hookers plying their wares in the lobby of the hotel - that should be amusing. I wonder if they are a relic (the actual hookers and the process!) from past times and have secret phials of sodium pentathol to get victims to divulge state secrets, e.g. about the length of the runway at Bristol Airport, or if the Number 9 still goes right to Tower Bridge?

Good news is that the Hotel is very close to a Metro station, and is next to a park with some interesting old Soviet memorabilia, all the reviews give it good marks for location. After some of the dives I have stayed in, both in the UK and Switzerland, the bar is quite low. And as for food - after four weeks trying and failing to understand why the Swiss appeared to have Perch as their national dish in Geneva, I am not loosing sleep. Also had some interesting meals in Krakow - and the most bizarre hot dog that you could imagine at the railway station in Osweicim!

If it does not take up too much time, I am going to try and check out Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov and see what he's up to these days - sitting around in a vinegar bath for all those years must be a bit boring. I'll also drop by Uncle Joe and say Hi.

Until....